Well, where do I start?
It’s been such a long while since I made an entry here and so much has happened.
Shortly after my last blog I rebelled against my new way of life.
It was triggered one Sunday morning when we were alone. I had got up, had my bath, shaved all over and was putting on my lingerie whilst considering what dress to wear to make myself attractive to Mistress. We hadn’t had much opportunity to make love and I so wanted Mistress to fuck me. Just then Mistress came into the room and made some comment about seeing Brad Pitt on the news and how hot she finds him. Like a thunderclap, it suddenly dawned on me that there was I, shaved, with painted nails, wearing a chastity belt and about to dress as a girl – that I was rapidly turning me into a girl, with all the desires that go with that – whilst the love of my life was yearning for this epitome of maleness.
All my conditioning as a male told me that was wrong, that I was somehow perverse. This was made so much worse by the fact that I love being Deni and belonging to Mistress. Alongside this however, the thought that Mistress wouldn’t be satisfied with that and would turn away from me was terrifying.
As this was exploding in my mind, Mistress told me to finish dressing and prepare breakfast as that she wanted to go down the gym. Given my attire it was obvious she wasn’t going to take me with her.
Mistress went out straight after breakfast telling me to clear up. As I cleaned up I suddenly decided that I didn’t want to be Deni if it meant losing her. With that thought in my head, I removed my clothes and makeup and dressed in my male outerwear – as I have nothing other than feminine lingerie I had to do without. My ultimate rebellion was to remove my CB6000.
Bundling all my feminine clothes, shoes and makeup into rubbish sacks I drove to the local recycling centre and trashed them all.
When Mistress came home she was stunned then worried at my state of mind. That was nearly six months ago and it has taken a long while to resolve the issues in our life.
I now clearly understand that Mistress really does love me as Deni, that she doesn’t want me any other way and that she doesn’t want anyone else. Mistress has even confided that she is essentially bisexual and actually prefers sex with me as Deni, she just likes men as decoration.
About four months ago we resolved to restart our lives as Mistress and Deni. Mistress had bought me an entire new wardrobe and I was very tenderly shaved, made up then dressed. Then she tied me to the bed and I was very soundly whipped as penance for my rebellion, I have never cried so much in my life. As soon as she finished she used my with her strap-on – and it hurt. When I calmed down she put my chastity belt on – and there it has stayed for sixteen long weeks. I don’t know when it will come off, probably soon for cleaning, she has been removing it weekly for that, but she has ensured that each time I am bound and blinfolded and unable to touch it or see it. She has said that as a good girl I shouldn't be seeing or touching any cock but hers.
She is much stricter with me than before and uses me more frequently, though with no concern now whether I come or not – and so far I haven’t. In spite, or maybe because, of this I have never been so content. I have been able to accept how I feel isn’t wrong, and that my wife loves our lifestyle. Out of the house she wants a fit, confident male on her arm. Indoors she wants a totally submissive feminine slut. And that is a role that I feel proud and privileged to fill.