Monday, 19 July 2010

Another step

I had a long telephone conversation with Mistress today.

As I've previously blogged, after my rebellion I have realised that I really do want to be a cissy to Mistress. She also has realised that she prefers me as a cissy.

However, and is a big however, whilst she wants me as a cissy and isnt sure she wants me to fuck her she has decided that she wants someone - very male - to fuck her occassionally.

I'm glad this is finally being discussed as it gave me the opportunity to make it clear that I dont want to fuck her or anyone else with anything other than my tongue, fingers or strapon - my clit is just that and I want it to stay locked away whilst I am fucked.

Mistress was so sweet, she completely agrees and really shocked me when she told me to search online for another Femdom couple where the male is still 'functional'. She wants me to show her a shortlist for her to contact. She made it clear she doesnt want a single or dominant male, in her words, not yet anway.

I'm really not sure where to start looking so if anyone out there can make a suggestion please do.

I really am so confused. Shouldnt I feel jealous? I dont, in fact it seems both erotic and a natural progression of my journey. Its just that the thought of losing Mistress to someone else terrifies me.

It would have been so much easier to be born a girl.

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Sunday, 18 July 2010

New clothes

Sadly we couldn't make it to London this weekend, so our visit to Transformation has had to be postponed.

As a consolation Mistress took me to Bluewater where we spent a divine afternoon choosing girly clothes for us both. I've now got enough to let me dress enfemme whenever I'm not at work - and as a special treat Mistress bought me a truly gorgeous long white evening dress.

Given the differences in our sizes, and the way we were discussing our purchases it was obvious to the shop assistants that the items were for me but, apart from one uptight bitch, they were all very accepting and even offered advice.

A lovely day, thankyou Mistress

Deni xxx

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Monday, 12 July 2010

Sore and happy

Mistress took me for my piercing yesterday, a day later than planned but unfortunately vanilla life intervened.

She decided to take me to the place she has used before, so we had a long trip across London on a hot Sunday.

Initially I was delighted when Mistress told me to wear some light sloggie panties under my jeans rather than my usual pantygirdle and stockings but when we got into the piercing studio I was mortified when I was told to hop on the couch and drop my trousers! As I hesitated Mistress told me to stop hesitating, be a good GIRL and do as I was told. The piercer picked up on this straightaway and as I obeyed he turned to Mistress and remarked on my pretty knickers.

I was so embarrassed I almost started blubbing. Once I was flat on the bed he asked me what I wanted done, my response of course was to tell him my wife should choose. He was very professional, and though he discussed everything with Mistress he kept asking me if that was what I wanted - to which I dutifully replied "yes".

Finally, Mistress decided on a "lorum" piercing at the base of my clitty. Apparently the nipple piercings are on hold at the moment.

The piercing itself was a bit of an anticlimax - some discomfort but not too bad. When I got off the couch Mistress passed me a heavy flow panty liner and told me to put it under my piercing. The piercer grinned at this and remarked it was a good idea, but not for men - the inference was obvious. In truth though, he was a nice, professional piercer caught up in our lifestyle.

He told Mistress it will need around three months to heal and that I shouldnt have sex or masturbate for at least six weeks and if we want to be ultra safe to abstain for the full twelve weeks. Mistress looked at me, grinned, and said " twelve weeks it is then".

So here I am, free of my CB6000 for twelve weeks and totally banned from orgasms. Mistress has said she still intends to use my pussy but I am not to come.

More worryingly, she remarked that she may need to find another cock as she doesnt want to deprive herself for three months. It is something we have talked about but never in the way she mentioned it last night. When I tried to raise it this morning she shushed me and told me not to worry my pretty head then made me eat her.

How far is my feminization gping to go?

Deni xxx

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Wednesday, 7 July 2010

A new threshold crossed

Mistress used me with her strap-on last night. I was still fretting over my impending piercings and so didn't do my usual thing of worrying about trying to come.

And guess what? I came!
For the first time ever I came whilst Mistress was using my pussy.

Mistress was so pleased she didn't punish me for coming without permission - though she made it clear that was a one-time only exception.

Afterwards i had to clean up then was cuffed and blindfolded whilst she removed my CB6000 and washed my clitty.

I'm still worried about my piercings so maybe I'll get lucky tonight too!


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Tuesday, 6 July 2010

Be careful what you wish for

Mistress told me this morning that I will be let out of my CB6000 this Saturday morning. She waited until after I had thanked her before telling me that it isn't for any sexual relief - she has decided to have my nipples and clitty pierced.

I am terrified.

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Monday, 5 July 2010

A rebellious phase

Well, where do I start?

It’s been such a long while since I made an entry here and so much has happened.

Shortly after my last blog I rebelled against my new way of life.

It was triggered one Sunday morning when we were alone. I had got up, had my bath, shaved all over and was putting on my lingerie whilst considering what dress to wear to make myself attractive to Mistress. We hadn’t had much opportunity to make love and I so wanted Mistress to fuck me. Just then Mistress came into the room and made some comment about seeing Brad Pitt on the news and how hot she finds him. Like a thunderclap, it suddenly dawned on me that there was I, shaved, with painted nails, wearing a chastity belt and about to dress as a girl – that I was rapidly turning me into a girl, with all the desires that go with that – whilst the love of my life was yearning for this epitome of maleness.

All my conditioning as a male told me that was wrong, that I was somehow perverse. This was made so much worse by the fact that I love being Deni and belonging to Mistress. Alongside this however, the thought that Mistress wouldn’t be satisfied with that and would turn away from me was terrifying.

As this was exploding in my mind, Mistress told me to finish dressing and prepare breakfast as that she wanted to go down the gym. Given my attire it was obvious she wasn’t going to take me with her.

Mistress went out straight after breakfast telling me to clear up. As I cleaned up I suddenly decided that I didn’t want to be Deni if it meant losing her. With that thought in my head, I removed my clothes and makeup and dressed in my male outerwear – as I have nothing other than feminine lingerie I had to do without. My ultimate rebellion was to remove my CB6000.

Bundling all my feminine clothes, shoes and makeup into rubbish sacks I drove to the local recycling centre and trashed them all.

When Mistress came home she was stunned then worried at my state of mind. That was nearly six months ago and it has taken a long while to resolve the issues in our life.

I now clearly understand that Mistress really does love me as Deni, that she doesn’t want me any other way and that she doesn’t want anyone else. Mistress has even confided that she is essentially bisexual and actually prefers sex with me as Deni, she just likes men as decoration.

About four months ago we resolved to restart our lives as Mistress and Deni. Mistress had bought me an entire new wardrobe and I was very tenderly shaved, made up then dressed. Then she tied me to the bed and I was very soundly whipped as penance for my rebellion, I have never cried so much in my life. As soon as she finished she used my with her strap-on – and it hurt. When I calmed down she put my chastity belt on – and there it has stayed for sixteen long weeks. I don’t know when it will come off, probably soon for cleaning, she has been removing it weekly for that, but she has ensured that each time I am bound and blinfolded and unable to touch it or see it. She has said that as a good girl I shouldn't be seeing or touching any cock but hers.

She is much stricter with me than before and uses me more frequently, though with no concern now whether I come or not – and so far I haven’t. In spite, or maybe because, of this I have never been so content. I have been able to accept how I feel isn’t wrong, and that my wife loves our lifestyle. Out of the house she wants a fit, confident male on her arm. Indoors she wants a totally submissive feminine slut. And that is a role that I feel proud and privileged to fill.