Mistress used me with her strap-on last night. I was still fretting over my impending piercings and so didn't do my usual thing of worrying about trying to come.
And guess what? I came!
For the first time ever I came whilst Mistress was using my pussy.
Mistress was so pleased she didn't punish me for coming without permission - though she made it clear that was a one-time only exception.
Afterwards i had to clean up then was cuffed and blindfolded whilst she removed my CB6000 and washed my clitty.
I'm still worried about my piercings so maybe I'll get lucky tonight too!
Deni
- Posted using BlogPress
Wednesday, 7 July 2010
Tuesday, 6 July 2010
Be careful what you wish for
Mistress told me this morning that I will be let out of my CB6000 this Saturday morning. She waited until after I had thanked her before telling me that it isn't for any sexual relief - she has decided to have my nipples and clitty pierced.
I am terrified.
- Posted using BlogPress
I am terrified.
- Posted using BlogPress
Monday, 5 July 2010
A rebellious phase
Well, where do I start?
It’s been such a long while since I made an entry here and so much has happened.
Shortly after my last blog I rebelled against my new way of life.
It was triggered one Sunday morning when we were alone. I had got up, had my bath, shaved all over and was putting on my lingerie whilst considering what dress to wear to make myself attractive to Mistress. We hadn’t had much opportunity to make love and I so wanted Mistress to fuck me. Just then Mistress came into the room and made some comment about seeing Brad Pitt on the news and how hot she finds him. Like a thunderclap, it suddenly dawned on me that there was I, shaved, with painted nails, wearing a chastity belt and about to dress as a girl – that I was rapidly turning me into a girl, with all the desires that go with that – whilst the love of my life was yearning for this epitome of maleness.
All my conditioning as a male told me that was wrong, that I was somehow perverse. This was made so much worse by the fact that I love being Deni and belonging to Mistress. Alongside this however, the thought that Mistress wouldn’t be satisfied with that and would turn away from me was terrifying.
As this was exploding in my mind, Mistress told me to finish dressing and prepare breakfast as that she wanted to go down the gym. Given my attire it was obvious she wasn’t going to take me with her.
Mistress went out straight after breakfast telling me to clear up. As I cleaned up I suddenly decided that I didn’t want to be Deni if it meant losing her. With that thought in my head, I removed my clothes and makeup and dressed in my male outerwear – as I have nothing other than feminine lingerie I had to do without. My ultimate rebellion was to remove my CB6000.
Bundling all my feminine clothes, shoes and makeup into rubbish sacks I drove to the local recycling centre and trashed them all.
When Mistress came home she was stunned then worried at my state of mind. That was nearly six months ago and it has taken a long while to resolve the issues in our life.
I now clearly understand that Mistress really does love me as Deni, that she doesn’t want me any other way and that she doesn’t want anyone else. Mistress has even confided that she is essentially bisexual and actually prefers sex with me as Deni, she just likes men as decoration.
About four months ago we resolved to restart our lives as Mistress and Deni. Mistress had bought me an entire new wardrobe and I was very tenderly shaved, made up then dressed. Then she tied me to the bed and I was very soundly whipped as penance for my rebellion, I have never cried so much in my life. As soon as she finished she used my with her strap-on – and it hurt. When I calmed down she put my chastity belt on – and there it has stayed for sixteen long weeks. I don’t know when it will come off, probably soon for cleaning, she has been removing it weekly for that, but she has ensured that each time I am bound and blinfolded and unable to touch it or see it. She has said that as a good girl I shouldn't be seeing or touching any cock but hers.
She is much stricter with me than before and uses me more frequently, though with no concern now whether I come or not – and so far I haven’t. In spite, or maybe because, of this I have never been so content. I have been able to accept how I feel isn’t wrong, and that my wife loves our lifestyle. Out of the house she wants a fit, confident male on her arm. Indoors she wants a totally submissive feminine slut. And that is a role that I feel proud and privileged to fill.
It’s been such a long while since I made an entry here and so much has happened.
Shortly after my last blog I rebelled against my new way of life.
It was triggered one Sunday morning when we were alone. I had got up, had my bath, shaved all over and was putting on my lingerie whilst considering what dress to wear to make myself attractive to Mistress. We hadn’t had much opportunity to make love and I so wanted Mistress to fuck me. Just then Mistress came into the room and made some comment about seeing Brad Pitt on the news and how hot she finds him. Like a thunderclap, it suddenly dawned on me that there was I, shaved, with painted nails, wearing a chastity belt and about to dress as a girl – that I was rapidly turning me into a girl, with all the desires that go with that – whilst the love of my life was yearning for this epitome of maleness.
All my conditioning as a male told me that was wrong, that I was somehow perverse. This was made so much worse by the fact that I love being Deni and belonging to Mistress. Alongside this however, the thought that Mistress wouldn’t be satisfied with that and would turn away from me was terrifying.
As this was exploding in my mind, Mistress told me to finish dressing and prepare breakfast as that she wanted to go down the gym. Given my attire it was obvious she wasn’t going to take me with her.
Mistress went out straight after breakfast telling me to clear up. As I cleaned up I suddenly decided that I didn’t want to be Deni if it meant losing her. With that thought in my head, I removed my clothes and makeup and dressed in my male outerwear – as I have nothing other than feminine lingerie I had to do without. My ultimate rebellion was to remove my CB6000.
Bundling all my feminine clothes, shoes and makeup into rubbish sacks I drove to the local recycling centre and trashed them all.
When Mistress came home she was stunned then worried at my state of mind. That was nearly six months ago and it has taken a long while to resolve the issues in our life.
I now clearly understand that Mistress really does love me as Deni, that she doesn’t want me any other way and that she doesn’t want anyone else. Mistress has even confided that she is essentially bisexual and actually prefers sex with me as Deni, she just likes men as decoration.
About four months ago we resolved to restart our lives as Mistress and Deni. Mistress had bought me an entire new wardrobe and I was very tenderly shaved, made up then dressed. Then she tied me to the bed and I was very soundly whipped as penance for my rebellion, I have never cried so much in my life. As soon as she finished she used my with her strap-on – and it hurt. When I calmed down she put my chastity belt on – and there it has stayed for sixteen long weeks. I don’t know when it will come off, probably soon for cleaning, she has been removing it weekly for that, but she has ensured that each time I am bound and blinfolded and unable to touch it or see it. She has said that as a good girl I shouldn't be seeing or touching any cock but hers.
She is much stricter with me than before and uses me more frequently, though with no concern now whether I come or not – and so far I haven’t. In spite, or maybe because, of this I have never been so content. I have been able to accept how I feel isn’t wrong, and that my wife loves our lifestyle. Out of the house she wants a fit, confident male on her arm. Indoors she wants a totally submissive feminine slut. And that is a role that I feel proud and privileged to fill.
Friday, 22 January 2010
A hectic few months
Not sure where to start this as the last few months have been an absolute whirl both in my work life and what I have come to realise is my very real transformation to Deni.
On the work front I have been away in middle and central Europe for most of the time, which has been exhausting but fun too. Having to buy tights, panty pads and wear lingerie all the time posed a few problems too until I screwed up enough courage to stop being embarrassed and just use the hotel shop and laundry. I’m sure the staff in the hotel shop recognised me as I made my regular purchases but they never said anything. Another threshold crossed I guess.
On one our rare free weekends Mistress took me to a wonderful shop in London called ‘Transformation’. It’s dedicated to TV/CD men and holds a truly great range of things guaranteed to make you simper with glee! As this was to have been the first time anyone would see me as a TV I was terrified going in there but as it happens I needn’t have been.
The staff were great, very matter-of-fact and very supportive. I was shocked, but really pleased, when they recognised the dynamic between Mistress and I and addressed her first when talking about me and referred to me as ‘she’ and ‘girl’.
We will definitely be going back there.
After a lot of browsing and trying on Mistress bought me a pair of black patent high heels that I am slowly learning to walk in, and I love the look and feel of them.
The following day Mistress took me away for a city break but I’ll put the details of that in another blog.
Due to my travels the plans for my chastity were altered somewhat. I still wore the CB6000 whilst I was away but Mistress wanted to play with me when I got home so off it came and so did I.
Now I am based at home for the immediate future we are back on track and Mistress has told me that I won’t be let out until the end of January at the earliest. She has become a great fan of the ‘feeldoe’ strapon we bought and is determined that I learn to orgasm whilst being used in my pussy as she has decreed my bottom shall be described.
Whilst on that topic, Mistress has moved things on a bit and now whenever we are alone Mistress used the feminine form of address to me and I am called ‘Deni’; my penis is always referred to as my ‘clitty’ and my bottom as my ‘pussy’. It sounds a small thing but over the last few months it really has start to bed into my psyche. I wonder when one of us will slip in public ?
More profound for me was the realisation last night that I now prefer to be the ‘fuckee’ rather than the ‘fucker’. I wonder where this is going?
Wherever it leads we are both happier than we have been in a very long time.
I'll try not to leave the next post so long.
Love
Deni
On the work front I have been away in middle and central Europe for most of the time, which has been exhausting but fun too. Having to buy tights, panty pads and wear lingerie all the time posed a few problems too until I screwed up enough courage to stop being embarrassed and just use the hotel shop and laundry. I’m sure the staff in the hotel shop recognised me as I made my regular purchases but they never said anything. Another threshold crossed I guess.
On one our rare free weekends Mistress took me to a wonderful shop in London called ‘Transformation’. It’s dedicated to TV/CD men and holds a truly great range of things guaranteed to make you simper with glee! As this was to have been the first time anyone would see me as a TV I was terrified going in there but as it happens I needn’t have been.
The staff were great, very matter-of-fact and very supportive. I was shocked, but really pleased, when they recognised the dynamic between Mistress and I and addressed her first when talking about me and referred to me as ‘she’ and ‘girl’.
We will definitely be going back there.
After a lot of browsing and trying on Mistress bought me a pair of black patent high heels that I am slowly learning to walk in, and I love the look and feel of them.
The following day Mistress took me away for a city break but I’ll put the details of that in another blog.
Due to my travels the plans for my chastity were altered somewhat. I still wore the CB6000 whilst I was away but Mistress wanted to play with me when I got home so off it came and so did I
Now I am based at home for the immediate future we are back on track and Mistress has told me that I won’t be let out until the end of January at the earliest. She has become a great fan of the ‘feeldoe’ strapon we bought and is determined that I learn to orgasm whilst being used in my pussy as she has decreed my bottom shall be described.
Whilst on that topic, Mistress has moved things on a bit and now whenever we are alone Mistress used the feminine form of address to me and I am called ‘Deni’; my penis is always referred to as my ‘clitty’ and my bottom as my ‘pussy’. It sounds a small thing but over the last few months it really has start to bed into my psyche. I wonder when one of us will slip in public ?
More profound for me was the realisation last night that I now prefer to be the ‘fuckee’ rather than the ‘fucker’. I wonder where this is going?
Wherever it leads we are both happier than we have been in a very long time.
I'll try not to leave the next post so long.
Love
Deni
Thursday, 19 November 2009
Focus on milking
Following my recent post about my problems with milking, and the wise advice from Miss D, my Mistress has decided that after next weekend I will be kept chaste in my CB6000 until I either learn to orgasm from prostate milking or we get to Christmas.
She has decided on Christmas as the limit as whilst she enjoys having me use my fingers, tongue or toys to pleasure her, she doesn’t want to deprive herself of using me for too long. I do get the impression, however, that if we reach Christmas without my learning to orgasm for her then it will be going on for a long time in the New Year.
Thankfully, my feminisation is progressing much better than my learning to be milked and I now have a wonderful pair of breast forms to fill my new lingerie sets. Mistress wants me in lingerie at all practicable times now along with which I also wear a nightdress to bed and skirts and dresses around the house when we have the place to ourselves.
I still find it difficult to believe how quickly this transformation is happening and how beneficial an impact it is having on our relationship. I am much happier and definately calmer now that I have accepted her authority, and we are more in love now than ever.
It really is soppy, we can’t stop texting and calling each other throughout the day – and it’s great.
She has decided on Christmas as the limit as whilst she enjoys having me use my fingers, tongue or toys to pleasure her, she doesn’t want to deprive herself of using me for too long. I do get the impression, however, that if we reach Christmas without my learning to orgasm for her then it will be going on for a long time in the New Year.
Thankfully, my feminisation is progressing much better than my learning to be milked and I now have a wonderful pair of breast forms to fill my new lingerie sets. Mistress wants me in lingerie at all practicable times now along with which I also wear a nightdress to bed and skirts and dresses around the house when we have the place to ourselves.
I still find it difficult to believe how quickly this transformation is happening and how beneficial an impact it is having on our relationship. I am much happier and definately calmer now that I have accepted her authority, and we are more in love now than ever.
It really is soppy, we can’t stop texting and calling each other throughout the day – and it’s great.
Tuesday, 10 November 2009
A special weekend
Mistress booked a trip to our favourite hotel as a relaxing break for the both of us. As a special gift Mistress also booked me in for a full body massage – something I haven’t tried before but always wanted to try.
I was taken out of my CB6000 on Friday evening with strict instructions not to touch. Saturday started very nicely, and after I had brought her morning coffee she decided to make use of me. It was wonderful, but sadly short lived as I came far too quickly, something I notice is becoming more common when I am kept for so long in my CB6000. Thankfully Mistress was very understanding, and I was soon put to use to ensure she had plenty of pleasure.
After tidying and packing we set off via the local town for a short shopping trip. I had shared with Mistress that I’ve longed to wear a bra or panty-girdle, and so as a gift for our weekend Mistress bought me a pretty ivory bra and panty set, along with some lovely white hold-up stockings.
An unexpected, but very welcome surprise was finding a necklace for me that I could wear all the time and that could act as my collar. We have been searching ever since we decided to start this journey but nothing seemed suitable until today.
Unfortunately the traffic was heavier than expected and we were running late when we arrived at the hotel. I was very tense, and really would rather not have gone for my massage. Mistress was, however, insistent and so I went.....and I am so glad. The massage was wonderful, and relaxed me to the point where I thought I would fall asleep.
We returned to our room after Mistress had her massage. Once there she placed my new collar on me and then we made love. It was fantastic; Mistress had several powerful orgasms although I wasn’t allowed to ejaculate as I had failed to come from prostate massage. Mistress is insistent that girls should learn to come when they are penetrated, and that I am no exception.
Not too long ago the absence of an orgasm for me would have made me think the whole session a failure. Not any more, I was so proud of my new collar and felt warm and fuzzy in knowing I had pleased my Mistress. Having said that I felt bad that I hadn’t come as Mistress wanted and I was so horny I could have burst!
To calm me down, Mistress had me take a relaxing bath and then told me to put on my feminine clothes whilst we were in the room. This was the first time I had dressed completely as a woman for Mistress and I was scared she would laugh or find me ludicrous. I needn’t have worried as her reaction was one of love and pride. I felt really good walking around the room in my dress, lingerie and high heels.
All too soon it was time to get ready for dinner and so I had to swap my dress and heels for a suit and shoes. I did, however, get to keep my lingerie on under my suit.
Dinner was truly divine, Mistress, as usual, choosing my meal for me. The food and service was excellent although Mistress and I did drink a touch more than we are used to and ended up grinning at each other all the way back to our room and a deep, relaxing sleep.
After I had brought Mistress her morning coffee, she used me in a most sensuous and relaxed way, then relaxed her rule and let me orgasm outside of my cage. It was wonderful.
I am both fearing and relishing the day when she finally gets me to come from prostate stimulation – as I think that will be the start of me being both used mainly as a girl and spending most of my time secured in the CB6000.
All too soon it was time to check out and head for home and everyday reality. That reality isn’t the same as before though, as I now wear Mistresses’ collar.
Mistress decided to let me stay out of my CB6000 until it was time to return to work. So first thing on Monday morning it went on again with a new numbered tag to record the time and duration of my wearing it. I’m not sure how I will feel about my cage in the months and years to come, but at the moment I love the feeling of ‘belonging’ that it gives me.
Once again the new order in our lives has enabled us to overcome a stressful start to the weekend and let us both have a great time together whereas not too long ago we would have been arguing and tense.
Whilst we undoubtedly have a long way to go this journey seems more and more worthwhile as we travel together.
I was taken out of my CB6000 on Friday evening with strict instructions not to touch. Saturday started very nicely, and after I had brought her morning coffee she decided to make use of me. It was wonderful, but sadly short lived as I came far too quickly, something I notice is becoming more common when I am kept for so long in my CB6000. Thankfully Mistress was very understanding, and I was soon put to use to ensure she had plenty of pleasure.
After tidying and packing we set off via the local town for a short shopping trip. I had shared with Mistress that I’ve longed to wear a bra or panty-girdle, and so as a gift for our weekend Mistress bought me a pretty ivory bra and panty set, along with some lovely white hold-up stockings.
An unexpected, but very welcome surprise was finding a necklace for me that I could wear all the time and that could act as my collar. We have been searching ever since we decided to start this journey but nothing seemed suitable until today.
Unfortunately the traffic was heavier than expected and we were running late when we arrived at the hotel. I was very tense, and really would rather not have gone for my massage. Mistress was, however, insistent and so I went.....and I am so glad. The massage was wonderful, and relaxed me to the point where I thought I would fall asleep.
We returned to our room after Mistress had her massage. Once there she placed my new collar on me and then we made love. It was fantastic; Mistress had several powerful orgasms although I wasn’t allowed to ejaculate as I had failed to come from prostate massage. Mistress is insistent that girls should learn to come when they are penetrated, and that I am no exception.
Not too long ago the absence of an orgasm for me would have made me think the whole session a failure. Not any more, I was so proud of my new collar and felt warm and fuzzy in knowing I had pleased my Mistress. Having said that I felt bad that I hadn’t come as Mistress wanted and I was so horny I could have burst!
To calm me down, Mistress had me take a relaxing bath and then told me to put on my feminine clothes whilst we were in the room. This was the first time I had dressed completely as a woman for Mistress and I was scared she would laugh or find me ludicrous. I needn’t have worried as her reaction was one of love and pride. I felt really good walking around the room in my dress, lingerie and high heels.
All too soon it was time to get ready for dinner and so I had to swap my dress and heels for a suit and shoes. I did, however, get to keep my lingerie on under my suit.
Dinner was truly divine, Mistress, as usual, choosing my meal for me. The food and service was excellent although Mistress and I did drink a touch more than we are used to and ended up grinning at each other all the way back to our room and a deep, relaxing sleep.
After I had brought Mistress her morning coffee, she used me in a most sensuous and relaxed way, then relaxed her rule and let me orgasm outside of my cage. It was wonderful.
I am both fearing and relishing the day when she finally gets me to come from prostate stimulation – as I think that will be the start of me being both used mainly as a girl and spending most of my time secured in the CB6000.
All too soon it was time to check out and head for home and everyday reality. That reality isn’t the same as before though, as I now wear Mistresses’ collar.
Mistress decided to let me stay out of my CB6000 until it was time to return to work. So first thing on Monday morning it went on again with a new numbered tag to record the time and duration of my wearing it. I’m not sure how I will feel about my cage in the months and years to come, but at the moment I love the feeling of ‘belonging’ that it gives me.
Once again the new order in our lives has enabled us to overcome a stressful start to the weekend and let us both have a great time together whereas not too long ago we would have been arguing and tense.
Whilst we undoubtedly have a long way to go this journey seems more and more worthwhile as we travel together.
Wednesday, 4 November 2009
Milking...or not
As part of my ongoing process of feminization and chastity, my wife has been acclimatizing me to anal sex and, as part of this, wants to be able to make me ejaculate from prostate stimulation alone.
She feels that I need to ejaculate regularly to keep me calm and to a lesser extent maintain my health, but doesn’t want to take me from my cage unless it is for her convenience.
Whilst I struggled with this to start with, being far too tight as well as too uptight, I now look forward to both the physical and the psychological sensations of being penetrated. I honestly can’t think of any other single act that makes me feel so possessed by her.
Whether real or imagined I have found I experience the most intense ‘orgasm’ effect throughout my pelvic area after prolonged use in this way, even to the point of having to pee afterwards – a typical effect for me after an orgasm. The problem is, however, that I don’t ejaculate or even leak semen.
I have scoured the internet for hints and tips on how to achieve her desired aim. We have also bought a variety of toys including an Aneros prostate stimulator, dildos and quite a fearsome strap-on. Whilst these are very pleasurable and have given me several internal ‘orgasms’, none of these have yielded the desired ejaculation and I am worried that Mistress may start to lose patience with me.
She feels that I need to ejaculate regularly to keep me calm and to a lesser extent maintain my health, but doesn’t want to take me from my cage unless it is for her convenience.
Whilst I struggled with this to start with, being far too tight as well as too uptight, I now look forward to both the physical and the psychological sensations of being penetrated. I honestly can’t think of any other single act that makes me feel so possessed by her.
Whether real or imagined I have found I experience the most intense ‘orgasm’ effect throughout my pelvic area after prolonged use in this way, even to the point of having to pee afterwards – a typical effect for me after an orgasm. The problem is, however, that I don’t ejaculate or even leak semen.
I have scoured the internet for hints and tips on how to achieve her desired aim. We have also bought a variety of toys including an Aneros prostate stimulator, dildos and quite a fearsome strap-on. Whilst these are very pleasurable and have given me several internal ‘orgasms’, none of these have yielded the desired ejaculation and I am worried that Mistress may start to lose patience with me.
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